You may have noticed...
Grief work is my passion. I do not experience Grief as always sad or always dark. It is my passion because when we engage in the task of grief, it is life-giving.
When we can endure the emotions, memories, and sensations that arrive in grief, we can become more engaged in life.
It is my passion because I have seen first hand and have experienced it myself, that when we can go to the darkness of our grief, we become refreshed and renewed and primed for what is truly meant for us.
From there we can then experience Joy and Presence in a way that may not have been available before.
I am not just talking about the tremendous pain of loosing someone we love. I am also talking about the many ways we might miss the opportunity to grieve in daily life:
The completion of a T.V show, a new job (even if it is welcomed!), a friend moving away, etc.
I can give a personal example.
Right now, I am in my third trimester and preparing to welcome a new baby into our lives. This is of course a very exciting and special time that I am so blessed to be able to experience...
When a sense of melancholy arrives, I am able to explore and feel this sadness without the guilt or the need to bypass and only be in the Joy of this experience.
I have been able to recognize the grief that comes with growing, birthing, and raising another beautiful being.
I know how that sounds...
So hear me out...
I have become aware of the anticipatory grief that comes with no longer having most of time and attention focused on my first baby.
I have become aware of the grief that comes with my body changing again, with loosing mobility and yoga practices I love, the grief that comes with new medical needs and integrating them into my daily life.
I have become aware of the grief that comes with how ripped open my heart will become again with the Love of another being.
In my experience, this incredibly beautiful and terrifying kind of attachment is life changing and personality altering.
So much of me will shed again to welcome this new life. There is so much grief and beauty in that. I am sure there is something in your life that contains this duality.
Here is the thing, whether or not I chose to acknowledge the mini griefs that I am carrying, they will be there.
So by allowing myself to feel, cry, talk, journal about them - they begin to move through me and their grasp loosens.
I feel lighter and more free. I feel ready to engage in this season of my life even more by bringing to light what needed to be seen and felt.
To engage in the task of grieving we need to feel safe. I hope you can give yourself grace and compassion if feeling your grief is a task you are not yet up for. It can be scary and sometimes we need help. A practice that gives stability and security to our inner world is key.
It is my life's work to guide this process in others. It is my biggest privilege to witness others naturally come to a place where they access their feelings for the capital G grief in their life and all the little griefs. It is such a blessing to then witness them make space for what is true and real for them.
Francis Weller says it well:
"For us to tolerate the rigors of engaging the images, emotions, memories, and dreams that arise in times of grief, we need to fortif your inner ground. This is done through developing a practice that we sustain over time. Any form will do - writing, drawing, meditation, prayer, yoga, dance, or something else."
Grief is act of devotion, rooted in love and compassion.
I am sending you big love and compassion as you navigate your big and small griefs -
Amy